The Gift of Silence
By Andy Robinson
For many of us, the hardest part of asking for the gift is naming the number. We hint, we stammer, we offer subtle suggestions like, “Please be as generous as you can,” and then pray we'll be overwhelmed with a huge gift.
But let’s assume you conquer your fears and you are specific:
“Louisa, we’ve set a goal of $50,000 for our major gifts campaign. To start the campaign, we’re looking for three people to give lead gifts of $5,000. We’re asking you to be one of those people.”
Now what? Silence. That’s right, silence, which may in fact be the most challenging part of “the ask.”
Novice solicitors tend to stammer out the number and then immediately backpedal before the prospect has a chance to consider the request. If you’re not careful, your mouth will open against your will and all sorts of inappropriate comments will come out.
- “I know that’s a lot of money. You really don’t have to give that much.”
- “I know this is a bad time for you, because it’s certainly a bad time for me.”
- “You don’t have to decide right now.”
- “Of course, if you’re as broke as I am, there’s no way you could even consider a gift of that size.”
- “I’d like to crawl under a rock and die from embarrassment. Care to join me?”
Let’s look past your discomfort for a moment and enter the mind of the prospect. Because of your transparent approach, this person knows – long before the meeting – the purpose of your visit and roughly how much money you’re seeking. He or she will be neither shocked nor upset when you ask for the gift. Indeed, the individual may be wishing that you’d gotten around to the point ten minutes earlier.
So you ask. And you wait. And while you wait, your prospective donor is silently juggling the following questions.
- Is this a priority for me? Is my interest in this group or this issue worth this much money?
- Do I have the money now or will I need to budget this gift over time?
- If I choose to make the gift now, do I have to transfer funds between accounts?
- How will this donation affect other financial obligations, including the other charities I support?
- Do I know of any unusual expenses (car repair, tuition payment, home improvement) coming up soon?
- Would I like my gift to be public, or would I prefer to be anonymous?
- Who else do I need to talk with to help me figure this out?
- How will I feel if I say yes? How will I feel if I say no?
It’s a lot to think about, and it takes a while to work through all these questions. Rather than fill the space with your anxious chatter, sit quietly and give the prospect the gift of silence to figure it out. If you feel the need to occupy yourself, sip your drink. You don’t have to stare the person down; it’s fine to break eye contact and look away. If necessary, dig your fingernails into your kneecaps to distract yourself.
The main point is this: ask for the gift and wait with your mouth shut. If you take nothing else from this book, please remember to ask and then be quiet.
Andy Robinson is the author of How to Raise $500 to $5000 From Almost Anyone and Great Boards for Small Groups, published by Emerson & Church. He is a consultant and trainer based in Plainfield, Vermont and may be reached at 802-479-7365 or andyfund@earthlink.net.
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